ughh! so ventsession with tumblr it is! its 3am and i should be studying for a bio test but i cant. I realized im going to fail anyways so why even bother. I just hate being in this place…where you’re in a rut. kind of stuck…dont know how to fix things but u need to asap, but no point because nothing seems to fall in place. my rooms a mess my face is a mess, my backpack is a mess, i dont even know what day of the week it is anymore. I just know i look forward to Mondays to give a fresh start on everything and hope for a good ass week. but when Mondays come…its just a god damn Monday. Im so fuckin confused in life. growing up is so hard and retarded. im enjoying youth but this economy is kickin my ass. I need to get my shit together but i feel like im too dumb for school all of the sudden, no major is good enough. no job. no callbacks after interviews. no interview calls after applying. friends are growing the fuck up and apart. no one to talk this through. no one to get hold of. WHY AM I the only undergrad left and loving college so much. when im in such in off a mood like now…i usually turn to prayers or music. well lately i havent been able to understand the prayers i say/read. i sit looking up at the sky like God’s gonna come down any minute and slap me out of this…but it doesnt happen. so i turn to my music….well lately music only wants to take out my inner demons. the weeknd is soooo not the bizz right now loll. music only makes me want to party more or cry more. the two things that have led me here already. & parents just dont understand. im not addicted to drugs and im not an acoholic…but now im considering it all. pill poppin, double cuppin, red solo cuppin, gettin lifted is all cool once in a blue moon, but that blue moon sure brings along a of guilt and regret. my broken heart is only breakngi more hearts of the rest around me. rest of the world is annoying to me. teachers the most. kids that keep gettin promoting especially. good for you, but my envy has taken over me  and i dont want to fuckin hear it. my nerdy side seems to be dead. no motivation to read a good book or even my textbook. wish to get away for a min but cant afford it. and finals are only 3 weeks away. apparently im on my own path to self destruction. WISH ME LUCK!